Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Facebook Fertility Conspiracy


So I think Facebook is a conspiracy.  All the fertile people got together and decided to start a social network in which they (the fertile people) could brag about their fertile exploits.  Oh, yes, it's true...a meeting was held and it was decided that as soon as you POAS and get two lines you MUST post it to facebook IMMEDIATELY.  Then shortly after you are CONTRACTUALLY obligated to upload the ultrasound pictures and use one of them as your profile picture.  Of course then you must also post status updates daily about how wonderful it is to be pregnant and how excited you are and brag about your total lack of morning sickness.

Once the sex of the child is determined it is imperative that you announce it at once, and then have lots of conversations regarding the best name for said child...or...and this is just for funsies...go ahead and announce the name of the child when you announce the sex.  Then in the next few days upload all the pictures of the stuff you bought for the nursery and the name of the preschool you enrolled them in.

Oh yes...and once they are born you MUST (no negotiating this point) upload pictures within minutes of the birth with the height, weight, birth time, etc.  Please make sure you also add that you are glowing and are so freaking happy you could burst.

Then in the years to follow please oh please blog daily about how much you love your children and what a blessing it is to be able to stay home with them full time while still being able to buy designer clothes, have a manicure/pedicure weekly, and get a boob job that you brag about often.

 Yes, Facebook is a conspiracy against the infertile.

1 comment:

  1. ha! very true, and that is why I do not have a facebook account!!!! :)

    ReplyDelete