Most of us have heard of the Five Stages of Grief, I'm sure we have all experienced this at some point in our lives. I propose that there are Five Stage of Infertility.
Stage 1
Denial
You take your temperature 3 times until you get the reading you want. Perhaps you mark that you had EWCM even though it was just Watery, just so you can see those cross marks on the FF chart. Perhaps you even fake a OPK or two? Hmmm, we have all done it once, or twice. You read every story you can find about overcoming the odds, about having a period-like flow and finding out they were pg after and hoping that will be you. You are certain that twinge in your belly isn't gas but a baby implanting even though you know you didn't even ovulate this month.
Stage 2
Anger, Resentment, & just plain Snarky
So you mumble tacky things about all the pregnant ladies at the grocery store under your breath, who hasn't? You scream profanities at the television when another character on your favorite show ends up pregnant by accident. You tell your DH that if you see one more sonogram picture on Facebook you are going to throw the laptop out the window. Yes...we have seen you anger and embraced you wholeheartedly.
Stage 3
Bargaining
Maybe if I read all these books on fertility, and chart everyday, and take all my vitamins and read every verse in the bible about infertile women then I will get pregnant. Perhaps if I completely ignore all my normal TTC routines I will get pregnant on 'accident'. What if I promise to everyone who will listen that I will be content no matter what happens...then maybe I will get pregnant then?
Stage 4
Depression
Prozac...enough said? How many of us TTC veterans are on antidepressants? I would say quite a few. If you have been TTC for more than 3 years I'm sure you have considered it. Depression hits hard when you finally make it to this stage. Of course in my definition of the 5 Stages of Infertility I believe the die-hard TTCer will cycle through stages 1-4 many times before finally moving on to:
Stage 5
Acceptance
This may look a lot different for everyone. It may be you give up TTC and move on to adoption, fostering, or snow babies adoption. Perhaps it is donor egg, donor sperm, surrogacy, IUI, DIUI, IVF, or something else. You may even decide to get a dog or a cat and just forget about children all together. Doesn't matter when or how you get to this stage as long as you get to it on your own terms and are content.
May your TTC journey be less bumpy than mine, your BBT readings always go triphasic, your eggs be sticky, your DH's sperm be perfect, and your CM be abundant.
